Thursday, February 5, 2009


So, I met with my trainer yesterday and he was nothing like I expected. He's a lot younger than I thought he'd be. He's not cute, but that makes it better because I would have been so embarrassed. I had to fill out this paperwork that asked for my weight and my goals and he sat there watching the whole time. So awkward. We didn't work out, we just walked through basically what I would be doing. I'm kind of disappointed because I thought this would be an every day thing, but he's only going to meet me on Wednesdays.

But it's okay because Megan and I have decided that we'll just go and do 30 minutes on the eliptical every day anyway. A suggestion from my friend, Ashley. =)
Well, she said three days a week, and I know you should give your muscles a day to rest and repair between workouts, but I want the best results and I want them fast.

So, I have no more excuses. This is it.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


You know how I said I was going to renew my Y membership and work out? Yeah, I totally lied. I am lazy. I am the laziest person you will ever meet. I haven't been keeping good on ANY of my vows. However, lack of funds is my other excuse. It's $35 a semester for a membership with my school ID, which is a damn good deal as it's $36 a month for everyone else, but I can't even afford that. I don't have a job, and the money I earned over the summer is slowly dwindling. Besides, I hardly went last semester. And I won't go this one, either.

My roommate gave me the solution: the rec center at our school offers free personal training. Why didn't I think about it before? One summer, my mom and I tried a program like that at a local gym. It was owned/operated by a husband and wife and depending on who was working, they would follow us around and make us do the exercises. Often, my mother would get to talking to him/her and I would be left working out and huffing and puffing away while they chatted. Such is life. That summer I was in the best shape of my life. I was getting compliments from everyone. But then my maternal grandmother died and we stopped going...

Again, I'm lazy. I don't even drag my ass out of our suite to go work out with my friend. BUT if I was meeting someone at the gym... someone who is going to sit there and make me do exercises... an expert, then I'll go. I'm a people-pleaser. I know my friend will go by herself, she likes to. But if I have an appointment with someone, I'm obligated to go and I don't make cheap excuses. This is exactly what I need. I emailed the guy about it yesterday and he replied asking for my availability. I sent it to him and now all I have to do is wait.

I'm actually excited to start. Which is a great feeling already. I know that I've reached the end of being fat and I'm pumped for it. I can't wait to start. I can't say how long I'll feel this way after I start, haha, but I'm excited now. Don't give up on me, because I haven't given up on myself.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Y, OHHH Y...

Well, I'm going to renew my YMCA membership tomorrow. Deanne and I are going to work out the way we meant to last semester. But it didn't go according to plan. Like it never usually does. We got good at going every day for a while. But then, you know what happens... days were skipped and we sunk back into our lazy ways and didn't go anymore.

Note: I HATE going to the gym and working out in front of other people. I am the laziest mofo you will ever meet in your life. I obsess way too much over what others think about me. Perhaps I should re-read that Jen Lancaster book, Such a Pretty Fat. It's about her decision to lose weight, and her commitment to her goal.

She was embarrassed too. But her logic on the subject makes perfect sense. And I wish I had thought about it sooner. She says that it was dumb for her to be self-conscious. That the people at her gym wouldn't give a shit about her working out. That it's a lot better for a fatty to be seen at the gym, acknowledging their weight and doing something about it. That it was ten times better than seeing a fatty at, say... Dunkin' Donuts getting a bigass cinnamon roll or such. People would be more judgemental about that. SUCH a good point.

So I'm going to the Y tomorrow and I will not be self-conscious. I've got a playlist already made so I won't have to mak smalltalk. Besides, I don't have to worry about gym hotties. I'm not looking for anyone right now. I know who I want, and he happens to be in Buffalo. And is not returning this season.

Unless by some miracle, the Pens can get out of this horrible losing streak and claim a playoff spot. The season is only half over, but they've got to get their act together. I believe everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be, it'll happen. HOWEVER, I will still pray for it to all work out in the meantime. It can't hurt, right?

Sunday, January 11, 2009


I would also like to add that I should really stop picking my fingernails as they are horribly short and will probably give up on growing if I don't give them a chance soon.

Aaaaaaaaand... another thing that goes along with the maturity issue. My friends and I can't stop saying, "That's what she said." And it's really getting on my nerves. It was fine for the first month or so, don't get me wrong. But it's really gotten quite ridiculous.

That's it. I continue to fight the good fight and this weekend spent at my sister's has opened my eyes further and will give me an extra boost to succeed!! I will post further developments as they... develop.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


All right, so I got off to a bad start.

Things that I did good:
1) Got rid of all the spare pictures on my wall.
Holy hell. That's it. That is the ONLY good thing I have done since beginning this venture. And that was easy. Moving on.

Things that I did bad:
1) Ate bad food. Qdoba, pizza, Crunch Berries, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, oatmeal, Twizzlers... Not to mention all the pop. That's my biggest weakness. I could drop 10lbs easy if I strictly stuck to only drinking water. But I don't like water. There's no flava.
Wow. Not only do I drastically need to change my diet NOW, I also have to go grocery shopping.
2) Waited outside the Thrashers' hotel with Deanne yesterday like a creeper so I could get my picture taken with Erik Christensen.
Which was TOTALLY worth it, btw.
3) I did the voice. Dammit, I spoke in that high-pitched voice. I would catch myself doing it and try to stop, only to forget five minutes later.
4) I danced to the Jonas Brothers all alone in my room. AND I danced like an idiot with Deanne at the Pens game. To Cotton-Eyed Joe. In front of 16,195 people. I slapped my ass... yeah. No alcohol was involved.

Maybe I'm trying to do too much. Perhaps I should work on one aspect first, and then do the rest. It's not like I don't have the proper motivation. Ultimate Revenge and Paul Gaustad. How much more motivated could a girl get?! I was doing really well two summers ago. I made it look easy. Why can't I do it now? What's changed? Nothing, that's what. Discipline. That's it. I can't make myself do better. Yes, I can. I can do this. And I WILL!

Monday, January 5, 2009


This blog is my testament to myself. I'm going to use it to better myself... and possibly set myself up for some sweet revenge. TJ broke my fragile, naive heart and you can't just get off scot-free for something like that. One thing I want to make clear is that this is all for ME first. Sure, getting back at that fartknocker will be sweet, yes, but all of this is for ME. Anything else that comes of this is completely coincidental. Now, in order to become a sexy siren and better my life, some things need to happen first...

1.) Self, we need to drop some major poundage. I've never really been FAT. Okay, well, I may have been a fatty in elementary school. And I also dropped about 15 pounds since graduating, and I still consider myself big. Because I am. Being 6' isn't bad enough, oh no, I also have to be fat. I feel like Sasqwatch(sp?) Sasquatch? How do you spell Sasquwatch? Anyway, I feel like a yeti walking down the sidewalk. I might as well lay EVERYTHING out on the line. I am 6' and (having just weighed myself on my roommate's scale and threatened to chuck it out our 7th floor window) a hefty 217 pounds. When the hell did THAT happen?! Calm down, calm down. In my defense, I AM wearing my padded bra, belt, AND I'm currently flying the red flag... This is why we are here. To fix this.

2.) Secondly, but just as important, we've gotta buckle down and get us some good grades! (I refer to my collective "self" so that I don't feel so alone in my adventure. There's me, my brain, and my body. Three separate entities. I am truly mental. It's a wonder I'm not in a home yet.) My grades have sucked every semester and things are going to change. College is a whole new ballpark. There are so many people in my same field, and in the future, we will all be competing against each other for the same jobs. Therefore, it helps to have higher than an oh... we'll say, D-average, hypothetically, of course.

3.) Tone down the hockey love. It's one thing to have an obsession, but when I start to get on my own nerves about it, there's something wrong. This goes hand-in-hand with good grades. My priorities are all out of whack. I am in the prime of my fun-having days, but I have got to learn how to balance work and play. Besides, Ronna has a point. Good grades = a good-paying job = SEASON TICKETS, yo. Basic Algebra. And I hate math, so that's really saying something!

4.) GROW UP! I am 21 years old and you would never know it. I am an immature, completely dependent woman-child. People who are younger than me have more maturity, and I hate it. I've got to work on it. Starting with that high voice I make whenever I'm around Deanne. It started off with me just saying "Fle-ury!" in an annoyingly high-pitched voice and has escalated into full sentences ever since. I went all summer without doing it once and thought I was free until I saw her again and BAM! Annoying. We both do it when we're together and I even get annoyed. My walls are covered with pictures ripped from magazines of hockey players and my two favorite bands, The Academy Is... and The All-American Rejects. I have no pictures of me with friends hanging up anywhere... it's all hockey. I have to start taking responsibility. I still depend on my parents and older sister to do things for me and it only frustrates everyone in the end.

*****Here's where the REALLY ridiculous ones come in. I'm a dreamer. I believe all things are possible. As a result, I get let down A LOT. I get my hopes up really high about stuff that never happens and I always end up crushed in the end. But the thing is, I do it over. And over. And over. And over again. I haven't learned my lesson and I don't think I ever will. I believe that if I achieve all of the things mentioned above, the following will happen:

I will become a smokin' hot, completely independent woman and will have men drooling over me. But it won't matter because my true soulmate, honest to God, is Paul Gaustad, who is a center for the Buffalo Sabres, btw. And I absolutely will not marry anyone but him. But it's okay because once he sees me he will not resist. I love him because he is a large man. 6'5", 229 pounds. Just typing that makes me weak... I've gotten my picture taken with him and the fit is PERFECT, believe you, me. (I also firmly believe he was checking how well we fit together and I have proof.) He is also all about the environment and helping children with cancer, as well as keeping kids fit. He is the perfect dad material and my womb longs to carry his offspring. ANYWHO... we've had moments. Like the picture. And then later at the game when we locked eyes a few times. And then on December 8th, I made a sign for him asking for a puck during warm-ups and he GAVE ME ONE! He teased me the whole time and didn't flip it over the glass til the very end. He also caught me staring wide-eyed at him as he stretched... That man knows how to work it, let me tell you what. Holy shit. I get the shivers. He proposes to me in a lavish ceremony before a game to which I will reply "Yes" seeing as I am not a moron. We get married. Have ADORABLE kids. Spend our summers in Oregon. I get Sabres' season tickets by default. We live Happily Ever After saving the environment one piece at a time.

In the short-term, I will become as smoking hot as possible before this summer when I return to Whirley and TJ. There, he will see what he really missed out on. And I will be a shameless flirt. Especially if Chris from 2nd goes back. Only this time I will not cross the line from Shameless Flirt to Whirley Whore. No, I didn't sleep with anyone. I still maintain a big V on my sex card... but I did wear some low-cut stuff and I just became someone else. It disgusts me to think about it. Ugh. More class this year, I think! I am not a whore. TJ will become jealous and will wonder how he could possibly date anyone other than me. But I will be nice about it. I am also not a bitch. I will let him down gently and only hurt him a teeny bit. See? I'm so thoughtful. Someone get this girl the Nobel Peace Prize.

END. There. I have a lot to do, and not much time to do it in. But I am determined and motivated and this is going to work this time.