This blog is my testament to myself. I'm going to use it to better myself... and possibly set myself up for some sweet revenge. TJ broke my fragile, naive heart and you can't just get off scot-free for something like that. One thing I want to make clear is that this is all for ME first. Sure, getting back at that fartknocker will be sweet, yes, but all of this is for ME. Anything else that comes of this is completely coincidental. Now, in order to become a sexy siren and better my life, some things need to happen first...
1.) Self, we need to drop some major poundage. I've never really been FAT. Okay, well, I may have been a fatty in elementary school. And I also dropped about 15 pounds since graduating, and I still consider myself big. Because I am. Being 6' isn't bad enough, oh no, I also have to be fat. I feel like Sasqwatch(sp?) Sasquatch? How do you spell Sasquwatch? Anyway, I feel like a yeti walking down the sidewalk. I might as well lay EVERYTHING out on the line. I am 6' and (having just weighed myself on my roommate's scale and threatened to chuck it out our 7th floor window) a hefty 217 pounds. When the hell did THAT happen?! Calm down, calm down. In my defense, I AM wearing my padded bra, belt, AND I'm currently flying the red flag... This is why we are here. To fix this.
2.) Secondly, but just as important, we've gotta buckle down and get us some good grades! (I refer to my collective "self" so that I don't feel so alone in my adventure. There's me, my brain, and my body. Three separate entities. I am truly mental. It's a wonder I'm not in a home yet.) My grades have sucked every semester and things are going to change. College is a whole new ballpark. There are so many people in my same field, and in the future, we will all be competing against each other for the same jobs. Therefore, it helps to have higher than an oh... we'll say, D-average, hypothetically, of course.
3.) Tone down the hockey love. It's one thing to have an obsession, but when I start to get on my own nerves about it, there's something wrong. This goes hand-in-hand with good grades. My priorities are all out of whack. I am in the prime of my fun-having days, but I have got to learn how to balance work and play. Besides, Ronna has a point. Good grades = a good-paying job = SEASON TICKETS, yo. Basic Algebra. And I hate math, so that's really saying something!
4.) GROW UP! I am 21 years old and you would never know it. I am an immature, completely dependent woman-child. People who are younger than me have more maturity, and I hate it. I've got to work on it. Starting with that high voice I make whenever I'm around Deanne. It started off with me just saying "Fle-ury!" in an annoyingly high-pitched voice and has escalated into full sentences ever since. I went all summer without doing it once and thought I was free until I saw her again and BAM! Annoying. We both do it when we're together and I even get annoyed. My walls are covered with pictures ripped from magazines of hockey players and my two favorite bands, The Academy Is... and The All-American Rejects. I have no pictures of me with friends hanging up anywhere... it's all hockey. I have to start taking responsibility. I still depend on my parents and older sister to do things for me and it only frustrates everyone in the end.
*****Here's where the REALLY ridiculous ones come in. I'm a dreamer. I believe all things are possible. As a result, I get let down A LOT. I get my hopes up really high about stuff that never happens and I always end up crushed in the end. But the thing is, I do it over. And over. And over. And over again. I haven't learned my lesson and I don't think I ever will. I believe that if I achieve all of the things mentioned above, the following will happen:
I will become a smokin' hot, completely independent woman and will have men drooling over me. But it won't matter because my true soulmate, honest to God, is Paul Gaustad, who is a center for the Buffalo Sabres, btw. And I absolutely will not marry anyone but him. But it's okay because once he sees me he will not resist. I love him because he is a large man. 6'5", 229 pounds. Just typing that makes me weak... I've gotten my picture taken with him and the fit is PERFECT, believe you, me. (I also firmly believe he was checking how well we fit together and I have proof.) He is also all about the environment and helping children with cancer, as well as keeping kids fit. He is the perfect dad material and my womb longs to carry his offspring. ANYWHO... we've had moments. Like the picture. And then later at the game when we locked eyes a few times. And then on December 8th, I made a sign for him asking for a puck during warm-ups and he GAVE ME ONE! He teased me the whole time and didn't flip it over the glass til the very end. He also caught me staring wide-eyed at him as he stretched... That man knows how to work it, let me tell you what. Holy shit. I get the shivers. He proposes to me in a lavish ceremony before a game to which I will reply "Yes" seeing as I am not a moron. We get married. Have ADORABLE kids. Spend our summers in Oregon. I get Sabres' season tickets by default. We live Happily Ever After saving the environment one piece at a time.
In the short-term, I will become as smoking hot as possible before this summer when I return to Whirley and TJ. There, he will see what he really missed out on. And I will be a shameless flirt. Especially if Chris from 2nd goes back. Only this time I will not cross the line from Shameless Flirt to Whirley Whore. No, I didn't sleep with anyone. I still maintain a big V on my sex card... but I did wear some low-cut stuff and I just became someone else. It disgusts me to think about it. Ugh. More class this year, I think! I am not a whore. TJ will become jealous and will wonder how he could possibly date anyone other than me. But I will be nice about it. I am also not a bitch. I will let him down gently and only hurt him a teeny bit. See? I'm so thoughtful. Someone get this girl the Nobel Peace Prize.
END. There. I have a lot to do, and not much time to do it in. But I am determined and motivated and this is going to work this time.
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